Funny Things and Stuff

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[Artie]

[JimM]

[kmealy]

6 hours ago, HandyDan said:

When I was 19, I worked the summer for the dept of highways.  The project was a stretch of expressway thru my home town.  One Saturday, one of the "earth movers" went across a street with its opening up and took down a power line.  We had to close off the street until it was fixed.   Before I could get back to the prior intersection, several cars came by on their way to the golf course.  You would have thought it was more than a one mile detour to get to the course, they were so upset.  Sorry, buddy.

Edited February 10 by kmealy

[Bubba]

13 hours ago, HandyDan said:

This reminds me of a story from my youth.

A girl I was dating back in the day had a girlfriend that was just drop dead gorgeous  and guys were always hitting on her when we were out clubbing. 

One night this guy keep asking Toni for her phone number so she finally gave him a phone number. I turned to my girlfriend and said.."That's not Toni's phone number." She said... "No Toni got that number off a problem pregnancy billboard."

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

[HandyDan]

 

Edited February 11 by HandyDan

[kmealy]

 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots ("P") and solutions recorded ("S") by maintenance engineers:

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit

S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Fred W. Hargis Jr]

[frenchwwr]