George Carlin and Gallagher on English

[kmealy]

I think I saw this performance once.

 

 We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
 But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes;
 One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
 Yet the plural of moose should never be meese;
 You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
 Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

 
 If the plural of man is always called men,
 Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen ?
 If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
 And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet ?
 If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
 Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth ?

 
 Then one may be that, & three would be those,
 Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;
 And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
 We speak of a brother & also of brethren,
 But though we say mother, we never say methren.
 Then the masculine pronouns are he, his & him,
 But imagine the feminine: she, shis & shim !

 
 Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
 There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
 Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
 English muffins weren't invented in England .

 
 We take English for granted,
 But if we explore its paradoxes,
 We find that quicksand can work slowly,
 Boxing rings are square;
 A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
 Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing,
 Grocers don't groce & hammers don't ham ?

 
 Doesn't it seem crazy that ...
 You can make amends but not one amend ?
 If you have a bunch of odds and ends ...
 And get rid of all but one of them,
 What do you call it ?

 
 If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught ?
 If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
 What does a humanitarian eat ?

 
 Sometimes I think all people who speak English
 Should be in an asylum for the verbally insane.
 In what other language do people recite at a play,
 And play at a recital ?

 
 We ship by truck but send cargo by ship ....
 We have noses that run & feet that smell;
 We park in a driveway & drive in a parkway.
 And how can a slim chance & a fat chance be the same,
 While a wise man & a wise guy are opposites ?

 
 You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
 In which your house can burn up as it burns down;
 In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
 & in which an alarm goes off by going on.
 And in closing ....

 
 
 If Father is Pop .....
 How come Mother's not Mop ? ? ? ?

 

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[lew]

I had the pleasure of seeing George Carlin on stage. He was fantastic.

 

Gallagher, for all his antics, made a whole lot of sense. 

[Gene Howe]

Gallagher is hoot. 

[schnewj]

Gallagher was a master at using irony to be humorous.

 

Carlin for all of his goofiness was a brilliant and astute thinker and commentator. Again, turning critical thinking and logic into humor.

[Chips N Dust]

I saw Carlin in person 3 times. Every time, I left with my sides hurting from laughing. He was really good.

[Grandpadave52]

George Carlin-TV News; The original, Al Sleet as the "hippy, dippy weatherman!" That routine is the first of his I remember...thought my dad was going to split a side he laughed so hard on that one!

 

 

 

 

[lew]

8 minutes ago, Grandpadave52 said:

Al Sleet as the "hippy, dippy weatherman!"

"....not to be confused with a Mexican high"

[Gene Howe]

On 2/8/2018 at 5:09 PM, lew said:

"....not to be confused with a Mexican high"

Which, these days, is easily confused with a "Rocky Mountain High".

[lew]

33 minutes ago, Gene Howe said:

Which, these days, is easily confused with a "Rocky Mountain High".

[kmealy]

When I hear most stand up comedians these days, I really don't think they are funny.   Some just resort to profanity.   Bill Engvall is really funny, though.

 

[LarryS]

How about George Carlin and the 7 Words You Can't Say On TV. 

[HandyDan]

12 hours ago, LarryS said:

How about George Carlin and the 7 Words You Can't Say On TV. 

Worse than that is said or implied on today's TV shows.